Puzzle of Life

I have no idea what is wrong with me lately. I am upset at just about everything. Pissed off or crying, fluctuating between the two frequently. I ruined Sunday. No, it was not perfect but I overreacted as is consistent with me lately. Yes, my feet hurt from my shoes, and so did my head. No, Jessie was not her normal touchy-feely self because of her sister being present. Yes, I was uncomfortable being there in the presence of her Step Dad and sister. No, we did not go into every store I wanted to go into. However, I acted like a bitchy little brat. I sulked, and refused to talk for the most part. Fluctuating randomly on trying to be perky and talk to Jessie, whom each time I felt shot me down and so increasing my bitchiness even more.

I am too hard on her though. Too hard on myself also. Things have not been the same between us since. No matter how much I apologize. I continue to get this cold shoulder from her. Not that I think I deserve it, but I wish she would be more understanding. She knew that I had been having mood issues all week long. She also knew I was uncomfortable going to P-town with her family. She also knows I love to browse. However, I should have spoke up. I know that. I should have said I wanted to go into this store or that store. But I was uncomfortable and did not want to hold anyone up. I did not want to make them feel uncomfortable. So yea, it is understandable that I did not have the greatest time, but I should not have been such a bitch about it. Not to her. It was not her fault that I was uncomfortable. At the same time, she could have at least walked next to me. I knew she could not hold my hand but walking four feet in front of me exacerbated my discomfort. I just wish she would talk to me about it so we can clear the air. Every time I apologize, she just shrugs and leaves the room or changes the subject. Then this morning she asked how my HRC tank got so stained and I mentioned we could have gotten another one at P-town if we had gone back to the store like she said we were going to. And told her that we couldn�t get the duck online that had been in the store that she said we would go back for. And then would not go back later. I spoke up about that and got shot down, so maybe that is why I did not speak up the rest of the trip. Who knows. She says to me about the shirt, �I don�t want to hear anything more about P-town from you again,� and left the room.

Maybe it is better that we do not talk about it. I go from being pissed at myself and knowing I overreacted to being pissed at her. I think my pissy mood started when we were in the HRC store, I pointed out the equality ring I have wanted for awhile, and she rolled her eyes and walked off. Everything after that rather got to me. And not that I should ruin a whole day by being pissy because of a ring, I admit I overreacted throughout the whole hour we were there. Yes, folks an hour. We were there for only an hour. The only stores we went into was a surf shop, a marina store, a pet store (all three her step dad�s desire, the HRC store for like two seconds, and a t-shirt store that only catered to the straight folk. We spent the rest of the time walking up and down the street looking at the outside of the buildings. And she turns to me and says, �Not really what we expected huh? Good thing we didn�t make a vacation of it.� Maybe if we actually looked at stuff it would have come closer to our expectations. See there I go. Being pissed at her again. I am a bitch, what can I say.

As an added perk, my hairline is blistering. Being the super pale, faux Irish girl (my heritage or whatnot is actually French-Canadian, but everyone guesses Irish), that I am, I lathered myself in sun block repeatedly on Sunday. However, I apparently missed my hairline. So, I have a nasty little burn there that hurts like a bitch. The kicker is that I dyed my hair a few days ago and for some reason it came out pink. No idea how, but it did. I had some semi-permanent auburn hair dye and had dyed over it to tone it down. Which made it better but then it was this funky dark orange-brown color. Looks better with gel. So, I bought some permanent light ash-brown dye to really fix it. I thought I could just wait a few days, wash my hair very well, and be able to re-dye it, but that is a no go now that I have this burn. I have to wait until it is all gone unless I want to create some serious problems. It will be a while as the burn is so bad that I woke up this morning with crusty puss/fluid/whatever the hell it was on it. Ick. Note to self: sun block on the hairline from now on.